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Some people practice polyamory. This is different then casual sex in that you have an actual relationship with multiple partners- it is not just about the sex. Swingers are similiar as they are into multiple partners, but in that case it is usually only about the sex! There is a big difference between the two.
Polyamory could be considered casual sex in that some of the drama of having one relationship would be eliminated-you are not expecting one person to be your everything, as in a monogamous relationship. However, if you do not have the time or money to devote your attention equally to multiple partners, you may find swinging is better for you.
Polyamory could get quite complicated! If you think one relationship is a lot of work, imagine the time management of having multiple relationships! Of course, there are always those who get attached with casual sex, which would make swinging get complicated when someone involved in it wants more then just sex!
How do you have multiple partners-whether relationship wise, or sex only? I think the key to polyamory and swinging is to be honest about what you want right away. Set boundaries. Let everyone know that if their feelings about the arrangement start to change, that it’s ok but they need to discuss it so that everyone involved can decide if they want to continue or not. Everyone must feel safe to discuss their feelings without ridicule.
If you are not ok with the idea that this may not last forever, you should not even start. Do not get involved with someone who seems to not be ok with this idea. More than likely you will have fun, learn something, and eventually move on.
There is usually no commitment to stay with each other through bad and good times, so therefore forever seems a bit much to ask for. If that happens, and both parties are into it, then great. Just do not go into this with any false ideas or hopes and you should be ok!
It’s very important to make sure you get involved with someone who seems mentally stable enough to handle this type of arrangement-perhaps someone who has successfully had experience in it before is good if you are new to this type of relationship.
Many who practice polyamory do have long term, successful relationships, so learn from them if that is what you want. If you just want to have fun, you can still learn a lot about how to get started. There are plenty of great websites to get involved in first before trying this lifestyle out.
Do you research, and then get involved if you think this might be a good alternative for you. If you aren’t into one night stands and flings, but aren’t really ready or interested in settling down with just one person, polyamory might just be your answer for casual sex.
Here are some great websites for more information on polyamory:
http://www.polyamory.org/
http://www.polyamorysociety.org/
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/
http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
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Nobody likes to be rejected, although some people can deal with it easier. One of the things with looking for a casual sex partner that you must remember is this: you will get rejected and it’s not personal! I don’t care how attractive or rich you are, not everybody will be interested! I’m sure celebrities get rejected even!
It does not reflect on you as a person though, and if you think that way you will get nowhere. People are attracted to positive, confident people! If you are dwelling on somebody’s rejection, you will ruin any future chances.
The key to being successful is to not let it bother you. Or, feel bad but move on quickly! Try to remember that there are many reasons that have nothing to do with YOU.
You may be saying, they think I'm ugly! Well, sure, they may not find you attractive, but is that your fault? Does that mean EVERYBODY finds you unattractive? Of course not.
If you take care of yourself, you are doing the best you can. You can’t change how you look! It may just be they have a very certain type of looks they like. It doesn’t mean nobody finds you attractive, just that you aren’t their particular type!
There is a big difference between being unattractive, and not being somebody’s type. Eventually, you will be exactly what someone is looking for! And besides, would you want to sleep with someone who limits their attraction to only one particular type?
It could also be that they are morally against having a fling, or have tried it before and didn’t enjoy it. They may be in a relationship, and just pretended to be single because they enjoy flirting, but had no intentions of acting on it. They may have STD’s, or felt that they have other hang up’s that they don’t want to involve another person in. Your chemical attraction may be off-perhaps it's that subtle. We are often subconsciously attracted to certain smells on a person, which you have very little control over! You can use pheromones to increase the likelihood, but even that is not always fail proof if your unique body chemistry is a really bad mathc.
Most likely, if they reject you, they are doing you a favor-you are one step closer to finding the right person to have fun with! Just keep your head up, and never, ever let them see you sweat.
In fact, if you act like you don’t care that they rejected you, many times they will want to see why you are so confident-and may give you a second chance-that is, if you haven’t already moved on!
Keep reminding yourself why you are a catch, and focus on what you have to offer! Remember, dating is a numbers game, and if you aren’t getting rejected, you aren’t playing enough! Being rejected is just a sign you are trying, and you are on the right track.
If you notice you are being rejected repeatedly, and think that you are being rejected because you turn people off, then for the love of God, stop doing what you think is wrong and try something else out! Don’t continue to try the same thing over and over, and expect results.
Try something new, and if it constantly fails, try something else until you find what works for YOU. You will eventually figure it out, and increase your chances of avoiding rejection if you find what works best for you, persevere, and always keep positive!
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If you are like most men, you are afraid of how you look when you dance and you are intimidated by nightclubs. If so, you are missing out! There is almost no better place besides internet dating sites, to find a quick hook up!
Dancing is VERY sexual. Second, you are most likely intoxicated with an adult beverage, which lowers your inhibitions and has the wonderful beer goggle effect for those of us who are less attractive! I am definitely not saying take advantage of someone who is really drunk, but it is enjoy the benefits of a slight buzz and alcoholic high! It will make your true intentions come out!
Also, women, you have it easy! You don’t have to be a good dancer. Just get out on the floor and show confidence and you will attract men like crazy! Just seeing your body in motion is enough to get a man excited! And, if you look like you are having fun, you will stand out among all of the women who are too afraid to ruin their hair and nails!
A few tips that really helped me have success with meeting guys at a nightclub is to look around and find a woman who is getting attention from men, and having a great time. Then, just pretend you are her! Yes, mirror how she is acting! Of course, you don’t want to make this obvious-switch it up a bit, but you get the idea! This way, you don’t even have to THINK about what to do, she is already doing all the work for you! This is great if you are naturally shy and freeze up.
Another thing that is SO important if you are a woman is to make sure you are not mean to men who come up to you that you don’t like! Why? Well, the attractive men know they can have any woman they want, so they generally will observe the room first and see which women are attractive AND fun. Now, if a guy is really confident he won’t get rejected he won’t care if the woman is being a mega bitch and rejecting men left and right. This man is rare though, and even super attractive men do not enjoy being rejected!
So, they will scan the room and see which woman is nice before approaching. If they see you being nice to men who are obviously less attractive then them, they will have no problem approaching you. Believe me, this works! Just dance a little with a guy, (do not let him grope you though, make it clear you are just being nice) and then excuse yourself and go to another part of the room.
Most guys will take the hint, and will move on and be grateful you gave them ANY attention. Occasionally you will get a guy who will take any attention from you as a sign to follow you around all night. Simply tell this guy, thanks but I’m not interested! If he gets angry, go find a bouncer! You do not have to tolerate this, and many men will not hold it against you if you are rude to a guy who is obviously being a stalker. Some will even find it as a chance to “rescue” you, and this will give you an opportunity to talk to them!
Men, make sure when you go to dance with a woman you do not just go up from behind and start groping on her. If a woman is dancing by herself for a long time, and you have already observed her enough to know that she will not reject you right away, she will most likely welcome you dancing with her! Even though women act like they don’t want to be hit on while they dance, they really do love the ego boost and if they are not being hit on, they will think there is something wrong with them! Realize that women can be just as insecure when it comes to how they are dancing.
But do not think that if she can’t SEE you, she will enjoy your dancing so much that when she does turn around, it won’t matter what you look like! I have had so many men who think because I’m on the dance floor being nice to guys who try to dance with me, that it gives them a right to start dancing with me from behind!
It’s very offputting, and a major turn off! Always approach a woman by making eye contact, and getting closer to her personal space. If she smiles and looks back at you, you are in! Go in and try to dance right away, or you may lose your opportunity! But don’t just start groping on her, even if she is dancing with every guy in the room! It is just about good manners and respect, and many women will be thankful for this simple show of courtesy, and you will increase your chances of getting hot women to dance with you!
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Wondering if it’s true that older women and younger men is a good sexual combination? Do you want to know how to attract that older woman? Well, I’m here to tell you the rumors are true!
Younger men think about sex a LOT. As men get older, despite what they may say, they think about sex less. There is nothing wrong with that, as it makes them more willing to do other things in bed and be better lovers in general, but that’s not what we’re talking about here! What younger men lack in experience, they make up with enthusiasm!
If you are older, this can be a great boost to your ego! And men get to learn new tricks! What could be better? Not to mention younger men generally have better bodies!
This combination does take a bit of patience on the woman’s part, however, as you have to be willing to teach and experience a few shorter than wanted sexual experiences! Although, a lot of men today start having sex earlier, and with all the porn out there, you may be surprised by how much experience they do have! If you are lucky enough to find a man like that for your fling, then enjoy it!
Ok, men, how do you get an older woman? Simple! Just make her feel special and appreciate her for the goddess she is! Reassure her that younger women have nothing on her, not by saying that outright, but by constantly complimenting her on her looks and body! She will get that you want her for just sex if you do that, and if she is into you and casual sex, she will flattered! Don’t bring up the age difference, and if she does, just ignore it!
If she is looking for a serious relationship, don’t bother her though! One of the problems with younger men, is they can’t read the signals as well that a woman is interested because they haven’t had as much experience, or they aren’t confident that an older woman would want to be with them.
To overcome this, you just need to know the things to look for-such as, if she is single and seems to be happy! If she has a good career, and doesn’t need a man to take care of her! If the woman touches you on the arm when you are talking, or leans in towards you. These are clues that she is ok with a fling! MOST older women are aware that the relationship will most likely just be about sex. So, rest assured, if she is showing signs of interest, she most likely wants it to be casual unless she states otherwise.
Generally, one of the things younger men love about older women, is they are much more open about showing their interest. They don’t play as many games because they are more confident with their bodies, and know what they like. It is true that women are usually more confident as they get older.
I know I wish I felt as good about myself as when I was younger and had a perfect body! At the time, I was far too insecure to really appreciate what I had and to let go in bed! Now that I’m older and more experienced, I am far less inhibited and I generally know which guys are interested and so I’m not afraid to show my interest!
Of course, you will find some older women who have not progressed and are still insecure. Run, run far away from these women unless you want to become their personal therapist! The older you get, the more baggage you accumulate, so make sure it’s the RIGHT kind of baggage!
Oh, and another plus? Women generally tend to outlive men, so if this booty call turns in to long term love, you will be better matched as you get older!
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Ahh, the dreaded picture question. How DO you pick a great picture for your dating website profile? Well, first it really depends on what type of site you are on. If it’s a free site, you can usually be less risqué in your choice. (No nudity!) You must always follow the terms of what is allowed, or your picture will get deleted. Yes, moderators really do check that people are following the rules.
I say, don’t put up a naked picture. Make the people work for it! Don’t take all the fun out of meeting in real life for a hook up by giving away the goods right away! Not to mention who might see your profile! It’s way more classier, and fun to let your imagination run wild for awhile.
Then, when the person gets your naughty pictures (if you ever decide to do that instead of just meeting already!) they will feel special ;) (even if you sent them to other people lol)
Also, you want to be VERY careful who you give your pictures to, or where you post them! Plenty of people will take your pictures and repost them on sites like craigslist, pretending to be cam girls! Do you want to find your pictures on some amateur sex site? Didn’t think so!
Ok, so you know not to post nude pictures. Now what? Make sure you post a CLEAR picture. Good lighting, and no weird camera angles. Avoid modeling pictures, that just makes you look fake. Show pictures of you in at least one you don’t think is flattering!
I know that sounds strange, but you only want to talk to people who like you when you look less then your best (don’t post awful pic’s though!) so that way you have a better chance of them liking you when you DO meet. You don’t want them to be disappointed when you meet!
Always be sure to be smiling in your pictures! Even if you are looking for sex, don’t just post seductive pictures! I used to do that before and men don’t find that as attractive as a SMILE! There is nothing more attractive then being happy! Nothing says let’s have sex, then a big smile! I promise you! Look like you are on the site because you enjoy life AND sex, and you will get responses! As I have said before, confidence is VERY attractive!
Try to make sure the picture is of only you-you don’t want to anger a friend or worse, have somebody compare how you look to one of your more attractive friends!
A huge pet peeve of mine is people wearing clothes or hairstyles from any decade it currently is NOT. If that is what you really wear, then go to the store and get some new clothes FAST! Make sure you look up to date. You don’t have to be a fashion expert, just don’t look like you are trying out for a role on That Seventies Show!
If you are not sure what looks up to date, and you have nobody you can ask, go to any high end clothing store and ask them to do an assessment of your style. Tell them you just want to get ideas on updating your wardrobe, and you aren’t actually buying anything today(Unless you can afford it!).
Get a piece of paper and make a list so it looks official. (Plus, you will forget anyways! Be very descriptive!) Go to more then one store so you get a well rounded idea, and can have multiple styles. You don’t want to pigeon hole yourself to one look.
Then, after you have an idea of what styles are out, either go back and buy a few key items, or go to a store that is less expensive and get a lot of clothes! Believe me, if you are woman, most men won’t know you shop at DOTS and not ARMANI as long as you keep your clothes clean, neat, and not falling apart! Men, women might be a little more picky, so maybe have one or two outfits from nice stores, and if you think you are going out with a diva, wear that outfit!
One last thing, you need more than one picture, but make sure they are all recent pictures! No more than five though, or it’s a bit overkill.
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You may be asking, “What are fetishes?” Or, “What are the most popular festishes?” You don’t want to go into a fling and have someone bring up a term you don’t know! While it’s always fun to try something new, it’s not fun to look unexperienced or stupid! You also want to make sure that if you are not into this sort of thing, that you don’t get involved with somebody who IS into it!
Why? People who have a fetish can only get aroused by that fetish! Fetishes are something such as an object, or body part, that you need in order to get off to! So, if you are with somebody who has a fetish for say, high heels, but you hate wearing them, then you have a problem!
If you do have a fetish, you will want to check out sites like alt.com to make sure you find others who are into what you are, and not turn off somebody who is not willing to play along! If your fetish interferes with you non-sexual life, then obviously, that is not good. Make sure you work that out with a professional, or it will really ruin your sex life too if you lose your job over this! Some of the most popular (and I think the most fun!) fetishes are:
Voyeurism/ Exhibitionism
This one is actually a lot of fun, as long as you don’t do anything illegal. (please only do this with legal, consenting adults!) A voyeur is somebody who likes to watch sexual acts (who doesn’t?!) and an exhibitionist is one who loves to show off.
How do you keep this legal? Well, this is why there are so many adult web cam sites, and people buying web cams. In fact, web cams are some of the best and safest ways to satisfy this fetish.
I would recommend you go with a real, professional cam girl over ones you find in chat rooms or dating sites. Some people may have a fetish for amateur cammers, but the professionals really are best!
First of all, they are above average in looks…and if you are watching, don’t you want somebody as attractive as you can get?
Second, they aren’t shy! There is NOTHING more frustrating then waiting and waiting for someone to do something good on cam! They also know what to do and have heard it all, so you don’t need to be embarrassed! It’s very awkward having an amateur cam girl try to figure out how to do what you ask!
They also have better quality cams, sound, and lighting. If you are not happy with the show, many sites will give you a refund if you don’t do it too many times! Yes, you have to pay for it, but it’s usually cheaper then dinner and a movie, and it’s the safest sex of all!
Voyeurism/Exhibitionism with a partner in real life can be fun also because the thrill of watching somebody else having sex is not only a sure fire way to get you turned on, you may also learn some new things! This is one step closer to swinging and threesomes, but it doesn’t always have to turn in to that.
Feet/Hands/Shoes
This one should be a no-brainer. I think we all know that some men have a fetish for women’s feet. This is one of the most common fetishes to have. Hands are lesser known, and it seems like women really enjoy sucking on men’s hands! I know I love to give a good hand massage, and a good foot massage can almost be orgasmic. There is something about fishnets and high heels that just makes you want to have sex! Make sure you keep both looking good at all times if you want to get laid!
Genital Piercing, and piercing in general
If you are in the 35+ crowd you may not be aware of the pleasures this can bring. Genital piercing can increase sensitivity and pleasure for both parties. Tongue rings can also give added stimulation to oral sex.
Just make sure you keep your piercings clean and go to a very reputable piercer to avoid problems! If you are curious about people who have done this, Tribalectic is a site that gives real people’s experiences with genital piercing.
You won’t get a lot of people to discuss this with you in person unless you are going to sleep with that person, because part of the fun of a genital piercing is knowing that you have one under your regular clothes. Having that secret is a turn on, especially if you come across as conservative or have a job that does not allow you to express your inner freak!
Silk, satin, leather, latex
Materials, materials! Dressing up can be a lot of fun, especially if you live near a good sex store like Lovers Lane! Who doesn’t love the feel of satin or silk? If you are feeling particularly naughty and bold, then leather and latex can really add a new look and some excitement!
If things are starting to get a little stale with your current booty call, don’t ditch them-try a new look in one of these materials, and see if it doesn’t spice things up! And ladies, just about any guy who is already attracted to your body type, can’t resist you in something tight and shiny!
This is also similar to role playing, which is basically dressing up and playing a character- naughty teacher, sexy doctor, etc. These can be hours of fun, especially if you only want ONE booty call and not sleep around.
Just because you are in a casual relationship, doesn’t mean you have to sleep with multiple partners. Yes, you generally are allowed to as long as you both are honest about it, but it doesn’t have to be the case if you want to just sleep with one person! And these two fetishes are sure to help you satisfy any desire to stray!
Domination/Submission
Much like role playing, this fetish allows you to play a very fun part! A lot of times gender roles are switched-men are submissive, and women are dominant. I have found SO many guys who secretly want a woman to be dominant! They love having the pressure of them to perform, and just relaxing while the woman takes control.
I know I love it when a man is submissive-but only in the bedroom! Don’t get me wrong, I love it when a man takes charge in the bedroom, but there are times I just want to boss him around do things MY way!
There are fetishes for just about everything, but these are by far the most common and the ones you are most likely to run in to. If you meet somebody on a regular dating site or sex site, a good ice breaker is to ask if they have any fetishes!
Just be careful-don’t ask if you aren’t ready to be open minded about it! If you know what your fetishes already are and you want to find somebody into it also, you want to go to a site like alt.com and you will be more likely to have success finding someone who shares you fetish.
Did I miss your favorite fetish, or you want to learn about more? Eroticy has all kinds of great videos on sexy fetishes! You need to join, but they let you have a 3 day trial membership!
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Ok, so you signed up for all the sex dating sites and you have your profiles made! You have the perfect pictures on your profile. You are ready to meet sexy, local singles! Yet, either you haven’t gotten any responses, or all the ones you get you aren’t attracted to. Or worse yet, you stay in online world limbo! What do I mean by that? You never go from chatting online to real life hooking up!
The sad truth is, there are lots of people who join sex sites just out of a curiosity, and have no desire to actually MEET. Lots of them are in relationships and can’t meet you! People even lie about where they are located, and their gender! The internet can be a scary place! This can be fine though if you want to enjoy a little cyber sex (hey, it’s the safest sex of all!) but not if you want to hook up in real life!! If people would just be honest about what they are looking for, you wouldn’t have this problem. Unfortunately, many are not. You must know how to deal with these time wasters!
First of all, do not let these people ruin your mood. Always stay positive. Second, do not waste a lot of time on ANYBODY online. I know you need to get to know somebody first online because it’s not like meeting in person. That’s fine. You want to chat with them long enough to look for inconsistencies or red flags.
This should take no more then two weeks of consistent talking. After that, if the person doesn’t want to meet, move on. Either they will find another sucker, or they will miss you and want to contact you.
If you have not heard from them in a week after you stopped contacting them, send them a message asking them to meet you ONE LAST TIME. It is possible they miss you but are afraid you are not interested anymore, or they really were busy. Give them ONE last chance to see if ignoring them made them wake up that you will not wait around forever, and then move on.
Why do I say this? Meeting in a public place is NOT that big of a deal. If you met a guy or girl in a coffee shop and had a good time, would you make them wait months for a second date? Of course not! There is ALWAYS some risk in dating. Always! But if you meet in a neutral, public place chances are you will be safe and you can decide if they are worth pursing. If someone is really interested in you, they should have no problem meeting you in public after a couple of weeks.
You can waste a lot of time daydreaming about someone online, only to find out they are not who you thought they were! So, the best way to go from online to real life is to just do it soon!
Men, do not bring up meeting with a woman for the first two weeks unless she seems really into it- Doing so any sooner will scare her off. Don’t scare off a woman who is getting ready to play!
If you are getting signals that she is ready sooner then two weeks, then by all means DO NOT wait for two weeks, that is just stupid. Ladies, you can ask the first time you chat with a man and he will most likely NOT mind, even if he thinks it is too soon. Do so with your own indiscretion though!
If you are seriously worried about hooking up with someone, ask for their last name and do a background check, or even ask them to get an STD check. Hey, you are giving them SEX, the least they can do is do this for you! If they won’t, there are plenty of people out there who realize what a catch you are, and that you are worth it! Don’t settle for ANYTHING less!
Ways to make somebody want to meet you, is to honestly listen to them! Find out any common interests, and bring them up a few days later in conversation. Mention all the fun things you are doing, and they will more then likely want to be a part of your life!
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This is a topic you hear about often in the singles scene! Men will complain women like jerks, and women say men like bitches, or call them that if they show any sign of confidence or assertiveness! Well, here’s the thing-this is NOT really true! The difference between being confident, and being a jerk or a bitch is a topic that I hold dear. I’m about to unravel this mystery for you, once and for all!
I really cannot stand men who act like jerks to get women to sleep with them! It may be an effective tactic, but eventually men you will feel horrible, or at the very least, make a lot of enemies. Sex should be fun, not warfare! The reason why being a jerk works is it takes a lot of confidence, or so it APPEARS to the untrained or unconfident eye, to think you can treat someone like crap and that they will still like you! That’s it, really.
So, why not just be confident AND still be nice? You don’t have to be a jerk! The problem with nice guys is nice doesn’t always equal confident, but jerk always does! While the jerk may have underlying insecurities (obviously, or he wouldn’t feel the only way to get a women is to be a jerk!) he does not SHOW them directly. He acts way too cocky to let on how he really feels.
Not nice guys, though! Nice guys ( or at least the ones women reject) often do tell you how bad they feel about themselves! They mistake allowing a woman to do whatever she wants with being nice. Not true!
Being nice is knowing what your boundaries are and letting a woman know without putting her down! Being nice is about being able to compromise on little things! Women, if you feel you need to be a bitch to show men that you are confident, you are wrong also.
Yes, men like bitches because a bitch is the same as a jerk-she believes in herself so much she thinks she can walk all over them. Often times when a woman is nice but assertive, she is mislabeled as a bitch! Men, you are doing yourselves no favors by taking your insecurities out on a woman this way.
Learn the difference between a woman who is confident, and one who is being mean just for the sake of being mean! If a woman rejects you directly, she is not being a bitch she is being confident and honest! If a woman rejects you by calling you a name, or ignoring you, THAT is being bitchy!
If you just label every woman who rejects you or is honest as a bitch, then you will see that women WILL just be bitchy to you because it doesn’t matter if they are nice, and being a bitch is more effective with getting you to leave them alone! Is that what you want? I didn’t think so! Unless you are into pain and rejection fetishes, then you will probably prefer her rejecting you nicely!
So, now that you know that being a bitch or a jerk isn’t really what people want, you should boost your confidence-listening to hypnosis MP3’s is a quick way to change any negative thought patterns you have about yourself into positive ones! (you must be open to it though!)
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What makes someone attractive to the opposite sex? If you are like me, you have read countless articles and websites about this topic. You have tried seduction techniques, beauty tips, pheromones, etc. with little success hooking up. First, the bad news! Did you know there is a lot of science behind attraction? These things are out of your control, and are completely subconscious. For instance, men are actually attracted to women with large eyes, and a small chin? Large eyes! Really? That is so strange to me. For some reason, it has been shown that women with large eyes are thought to be more promiscuous. It’s the female equivalent to men with large, strong jaw lines. Don’t worry though small eyed ladies, during a recession we tend to favor women with smaller eyes, and stronger jawbones!
It’s also a known fact that taller men happen to get more sexual attention from women, as well as better paying jobs. Did you also know that being short can make men more possessive? Women who are of average height, 5’6, are thought to be more fertile! And of course, the smaller your waist to hip ratio, the more attractive you will be to men because it’s a sign of fertility also. So, there are just some things that are out of your control.
I find it absolutely fascinating, although it would be slightly frustrating to me if I didn’t so happen to naturally have large eyes, a smaller chin, and be 5’6 with a small hip to waist ratio! Perhaps my interest in casual sex is actually a scientific, natural thing?! Interesting, no doubt.
Ok, so let’s say you weren’t blessed with being what women or men naturally find attractive and you have to work for it! Men, you have it slightly easier in this department-mainly because women are much more forgiving in the looks department if you have other things they like. I have never been able to compromise on sexual attraction, but perhaps it’s because I naturally have more sexual partners to choose from because of my looks. I never feel the need to compromise on this area, but plenty of women will if you have a good job, or even if you are willing to just spend money on them even if you are broke.
It may seem like she is a gold digger, but it really goes back more to a deep seated attraction to feeling like the man can provide. Many women today though are so independent that they don’t want your money at all, and this may not work. If the woman you are interested in feels this way, having money is STILL important because if she is successful she will not want to take care of you. So, either way men, you must have a good job. I talk more about ways to get around this in my article getting laid when you are broke!
Women also really love confidence! Men, there is nothing more attractive and that will make up for bad looks then confidence. I also talk about the difference between being confident and being a jerk or bitch. When I say confidence, I mean not being needy.
If you feel good about yourself, and you are direct and honest about your feelings toward women they will love it. They may be taken aback because so many men are unnecessarily intimidated by independent women, or lazy and want to be taken care of-but believe me, they will almost always respond positively. There is no need to be intimidated if you know how to deal with women like this! First, enjoy the benefits of a woman who wants to pay for herself, as opposed to feeling emasculated! And show confidence around women like this!
How can you show confidence? Dress like you care, but don’t look prettier then women! Directly ask them out, none of this, “Maybe we should get together sometime, someday, to do something if you want to….but you don’t have to!” Don’t ever do anything like that! Do not think when you ask a woman out that by being vague you will get her to ask you out! It is good to be vague about your personal life, and appear busy but do NOT be vague when you ask her out! This is not the time to act like you aren’t interested, unless you want to forever be put in the dreaded “just a friend zone!”
Show her that you put some thought into asking her out, and that you have paid attention to what she likes. Show the woman that you have a busy schedule, but you made time to fit her in, and you picked a time you are available just for her! If she can make it, great, but if not, you are not going to wait by the phone for her to decide when you can get together.
Another way to show confidence is forget about it if you are a short man. Who cares? Does how tall you are have anything to do with how good you are in bed? Does it matter when you are laying down anyways?! If a woman doesn’t like your height, then move on! There are plenty of fish in the sea! Would you really want to be with someone that superficial, even for casual sex? If she judges you about that, what about when you are naked?!
I have liked plenty of short men, until they start complaining about their height or becoming insecure, needy and possessive! They cannot and refuse to believe I am attracted to them, therefore making it a self-fulfilling prophecy! How can you show her you don’t care about your height? Never bring it up first or whine about it. NEVER.
Ok, so on to the women. If you have smaller eyes, you can make them larger looking with two things: an eyelash curler, and white eye makeup! Yes, white eye makeup! One of the things I always do before going out is curl my eyelashes before putting on mascara (make sure it’s not clumpy!) and then I line the insides with white eye shadow or a white pencil. Even a blueish white or purple color is great also!(purple looks good on all eye colors and not a lot of women have the confidence to try it so you will stand out!) What this does is makes the whites of your eyes more white, and it opens up your eyes! It really works! While you may not have big eyes, healthy eyes are ALWAYS a turn on.
Another thing you can do is make the illusion of a small waist. If you have a big waist, always wear shirts that have a high waist and cover that area up. If you have a small waist, draw attention with belts and tight shirts. Believe me, men find this area almost as attractive as boobs or butts, they just may not be aware of it on a conscious level!
Anything you can do to make yourself look younger is a plus! Do not go overboard on makeup if you are older, this will make you look OLDER very fast.
One other thing women can do that is free and completely easy-SMILE! If you are having a good time, and look like you are FUN to be with-you can probably have your pick of any man in the room. When I was younger I used to try to be seductive, but it just came across as moody! Don’t TRY to be sexy, and you will attract men so easily you won’t know what to do! The only exception to this is whispering, and lowering your voice-it may not feel natural at first, but it is a great way to get a man’s attention.
Ladies, men make less oxytocin then you do. What is oxytocin? It’s the bonding chemical your body produces from physical touch. It does other stuff, but that’s the only thing I care about! So, if you touch him a lot (say massages, snuggling) he will get addicted to you. This is why its proven women get more attached by sex then men do, even if we try to deny it! Blame it on all that oxytocin we create! One way to fool men into thinking they can’t live without you is to touch him, and touch him lots-even in non-sexual ways! Oh, and one last thing-touch a man on the inside of his arm when he is making a point. Unless he really dislikes you, he will LOVE this. If he is interested he will touch you back, and you instantly know whether he likes you or not! SO simple!
Want to be different and get his attention? Offer him a HAND massage! The hand can be very erogenous, almost more so then giving him a back massage! Especially if he is in a field that requires him to work with his hands.
One last tip that is good for both men and women is pheromones. You will definitely want to try them out, as they really do make a difference. Happy seduction and hook ups!
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While there are some men who like small breasts, and even prefer them (most men can overlook it if you have other nice assets!) most women want to have big breasts. If you are looking for just sex, then nothing catches a man’s eye quicker then nice cleavage! I know, I was really flat when I was younger and didn’t get ANY attention from men. Looking back, I think it was more of a confidence issue though then anything.
Oh, and men were immature in their tastes. It takes awhile to realize what’s really attractive in the opposite sex-the brain! There is nothing wrong with increasing your confidence though, and I tried everything! (although my breasts are now a nice size naturally-guess I was a late bloomer!) The ONLY product I tried was Bustup Gum, or B2up, or BodyMake. I guess there are a lot of different names for it!
The official United States site is under new management but you can also find it here: http://www.getbustupgum.com/bustupgum.html or on Ebay. (Be careful to make sure you get quality products from a seller with good feedback ratings though!) I would LOVE to be an affiliate of their products because I absolutely love it! I got noticeable results right away, and the gum tastes really good! If you are looking for some added oomph, and you don’t want to just wear padded push up bra’s (Victoria’s Secret is the best by far in my opinion, although a bit pricey!) then check them out!
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Want to date a stripper? Have you eyes on a hot little number at the club, but think she is unattainable? Well, she’s not! Strippers are just like anybody else, except a lot of times they are just more fun and open minded! If you haven’t checked out the seduction techniques yet, you definitely should first:
Ok, so on to the details! I have had a few friends who were strippers and worked in a strip club as a door girl before so I know a little about how the industry works. I have to say that a lot of women who strip ARE messed up and into drugs (believe me, there is a lot of stuff that goes on that is NOT cool). Of course, not all of them are though. I was working at one to pay the bills while I was finishing college, and my friends were very savvy business women. Did they party and sleep around more than the average person? I think so. Were they all crack addicts, and crazy? Definitely not! There are also those who don't drink or do drugs at all. My friend who was a stripper wouldn't let me dance, she said I should only be a waitress because the peer pressure to do drugs is so high, and she knew I had never done them and didn't want me to start. However, she is now happily married with three children and stays at home. My other stripper friend is going to med school.
So, if you want to date a stripper, I say go for it! They are not superstars who are unattainable. They are just at WORK and therefore, you have to be careful how you hit on them. I know my friends who were strippers DID date and sleep with their customers, so as tough as they may act sometimes about not dating customers (except the ones who want to prostitute on the side, so they act like they want to meet right away...watch out for those too!) many of them do! I read this great article which you can find in whole here:
that details steps and tips:
1. Offer the benefit of the doubt. Before you even step into a club, make a conscious effort to be open-minded. Don't assume that because they are strippers, they must be promiscuous and unable to make money in any other way. Some dancers are very intelligent and might be doing what they do to pay their own way through college or nursing school. Other dancers might have had very unfortunate circumstances that you couldn't even imagine, and might be working at a club to feed their family or send their child to a good school. It's very easy to judge a book by its cover, but you'll never get very far with a stripper worth dating if you go that route.
2. Know what you're getting into. Strippers get lots of attention, in the club and oftentimes out of it. If you can't handle your partner receiving plenty of admiration, dating a stripper is probably not for you. Don't go into a relationship with a stripper thinking you can 'change' her or expect her to get another job. Either accept that she strips or find someone who doesn't.
3. Find a club where you feel comfortable. Usually the type of club you go to will determine the type of women that work there. Some clubs are characterized by very young inexperienced girls, jaded veterans, gold diggers or all of the above. It's a good idea to avoid women who are usually attracted by the gangster type male who can give them some sense of protection and follow their party life rhythm--you might get lucky with them but they're not good dating material. Go for the gentlemen club type places where you can usually find more educated dancers, sometimes college students or even college graduates. These girls are usually far more interesting and open to socializing within the confines of their workplace.
4. Show up early. Go to the club right after they open, usually in the first hour or hour and a half after they open, the place is dead and the strippers are just chilling, hanging around, practicing pole-tricks and talking to each other. This is the best moment to try to approach them without feeling under pressure because they are still not in their crazy money-making mode.
5. Start a conversation. Be sweet and non-judgmental. Lots of these girls are used to getting the worst treatment from men who regard them as a disposable pieces of meat. Listen to them, give them a chance to open up and tell you their stories (which are usually interesting), and show genuine interest in their activities outside the strip-club. Don't focus your attention on their bodies. Everybody likes compliments but they get them all the time. Use eye contact, not leg or bust gawking. Instead of complimenting their body parts, tell them they look good in their new outfit (compliment the color scheme) or they are really improving a lot on the pole-tricks, stuff like that. Ask them about books, movies, school, family, life and they will find you a lot more interesting to talk to than most of their customers.
6. Tip her on stage, but don't get a lap dance from anyone. If you pay for a lap dance from her, she will consider you a "regular" (one of those pathetic lonely guys who fall in love with a stripper and give them lots of money regularly). She will never date you once that business relationship with her is established. And if you're not getting lap dances from her, it's definitely NOT a good idea to get dances from any of the other women. When you're tipping on stage, however, you should tip all the dancers, just tip her a little extra. If you only tip her, that could foster a bit of additional jealousy and strife among the dancers that will make her association with you a little more difficult.
7. Leave when the club gets too busy and all the girls start giving lap dances to their customers. Let her know that you don't want to interfere in her money making, wish her good luck and tell her you'll come to see her some other day. With several visits, she'll hopefully smile when you visit and make a beeline towards you as soon as she gets the chance. If she doesn't, it may be that she strictly doesn't date any customers of the club, or she may be dating someone already.
8. Ask her out. If she isn't willing to meet you outside the club to hang out, she's playing you. Yes, she might be reluctant and cautious, but if she keeps turning you down, there's no need to pursue her anymore. If she does agree to go on a date, do something sweet and romantic. She is a stripper and she is used to guys showing interest to her through money and flashy presents. Try to do something that's related to a common interest that you've discovered in your conversations with her. Whatever you do, don't ever assume that because she is a stripper she will go to bed with you right away. On the contrary, some of these girls usually take a long time to get to know you; they don't generally trust men because they deal with the worst sides of men for several hours a day, so be patient and show her that you are different.
9. Be accepting of her job. If one thing leads to another and you end up dating a stripper, she will appreciate that you understand that she is working and making more money than many family practice physicians. In fact, she just may have plans to become one someday as many dancers become used to earning a much higher income than the majority of white collar workers! Understand that many women choose this field because it allows them the freedom to have time to pursue other interests or priorities, so plan dates on her schedule, and please, don't call her before 11 AM.
Tips
- Befriend the dancer first. Most dancers dislike the managers and have their favorites among the bouncers. If you befriend the dancers first, you don't have to worry about being one those "creepy" pals of the manager.
- Don't ask them for their phone numbers or real names right away. Let them give it to you when it's the right time. Give them yours instead.
- The best chance of dating a stripper is when you meet them outside the club--at the gym, a concert, the store, etc. As has been said, some strippers won't date any customers; some strippers will 'hook up' but not date a very attractive customer, and some strippers will occasionally date a customer they find attractive.
- Don't be drunk at the club where she dances. Dress nicely and make sure you smell good.
- If you are having a relationship with a stripper, stay out of the club she's in. Jealousy tends to rear its head, even though the stripper is on the job and needs to do the 'hustle' in order to get an income. She may also feel jealous if you flirt or purchase dances from other strippers. The last thing a stripper needs is relationship issues coming into her workplace.
Warnings
- Even if a stripper asks for your phone number or business card, don't assume she's truly interested in dating you. She may be interested in cultivating you as a regular customer or keeping you indexed in case she needs your business services in the future (if you're a lawyer, photographer, etc.).
- Some women (not just strippers) try to find a 'sugar daddy' or a 'sugar mommy'--someone who will pay for living expenses, provide gifts and travel, in exchange for sexual favors, arm candy or mere companionship. Some strippers may string along one or more 'sugar daddies' if they can get away with it.
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Do blond really have more fun? Shirlye Polykoff (1908-1998) was the first woman to introduce that slogan with her advertising campaign. And women have never been the same! It used to be that only certain, say, less classier professions like saloon workers dyed their hair. For awhile it was only entertainers-models, actresses, etc. Shirley changed all that when she introduced blond hair coloring to women everywhere, and the sterotype persists today, if not unconsciously!
Well, I can’t say from any scientific polls on the subject because I’m sure that is really hard to measure (although people still try!) but I have to say that it is true for me! I always had naturally dark hair, and while there are a lot of people who love the dark hair/light eyes combination, I got WAY more attention as a blond from guys. The funny thing about it though was how all my women friends told me it looked better brown, despite how many guys said they loved it! Hmmm. I wonder if that was jealousy?
Or maybe it’s something else altogether? All the articles I’ve read on it never mention this one fact-maybe it’s not just that guys like blonds better because it’s less common…but maybe there is a whole breed of guys who just like bleached blonds because it shows an adventurous spirit! I mean, to completely change your look like that says something about somebody and how daring and spontaneous they are! That has to translate to the bedroom, right? Or so guys think probably! Just an interesting side thought on the topic I thought I would share.
I personally think men also think women who are blond, bleached or otherwise, are less smart! If you are going for just a fling or casual sex, then this might not bother you. If you are looking for a man to take you seriously, you make want to stick with brunette! There are plenty of studies that show that men, and employers, take blonds less seriously. So, if you just want to increase your confidence, and have a good time-you may want to consider making him wonder if your carpet matches the drapes!
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Handjobs….ahh, what man doesn’t like to get them? It is much more fun to have a new twist on the this old classic-that is, having someone ELSE do it to you! ;) It’s was a bit intimidating to me at first, since I’m not a man and don’t know what men like! So, my biggest tip has been to watch gay porn! Yes, gay porn! I know that may sound crazy, but it has worked great for me. Men are always shocked at how I know just what they like! I, of course, don’t tell them this! It makes sense though-think of the target audience of straight men who like to get blowjobs and handjobs from men, but don’t consider themselves gay. (I know, that is debateable…but I can understand just enjoying the pleasure of the sensation without being attracted to the person giving it to you. So, if you are open minded about it, it doesn’t automatically make the person who receives it gay!)
Another thing I really like, is to lightly touch the taint area before they orgasm. This tends to delay it a bit, and makes it more intense when they do orgasm! But, some ultra-macho men are sensitive about this. So, tread lightly the first time you do it! Many men really enjoy it if they let their stereotypes about what makes somebody gay go, and just enjoy the sensations of a little anal play during a handjob or blowjob.
Here is anotherfun site I have found that describes with videos how to do different handjob techniques! This should keep your man entertained for a long time!
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So you may have heard about pheromones before, and have been curious to try them out. Pheromones are nothing more then the fancy name for the chemicals we produce to attract the opposite sex, and to make us more likeable. We all have them, but some people have more. Not to mention soap and deodorant washes them off. Did you know that Vitamin D from the sun also gets washed off with soap? You are supposed to wait 48 hours to let it sink into your skin, or you lose the benefits! I still use soap on say my private parts and armpits, but the rest just hot water. Still, you are washing off valuable pheromones when you use some in those areas-but really, who wants to smell bad though? You aren’t going to stop showering, and using soap, are you?! Please don’t! lol
Well, I already have tried some, and let me tell you, they do work! I had to try a few out first to find one I liked though. My first ever was from an ad in a Cosmopolitan magazine for the Athena Institute pheromones. They worked ok, but nothing special. Then I tried from Adam and Eve, and they were ok. While I love their sex toys, the pheromones were a bit on the cheap side. That was awhile ago, so maybe their products have improved. When it comes to Pheromones, you do get what you pay for!
My favorite I have tried though were :Androstenone Pheromone Concentrate for women. I love how they have reviews on the website from customers. I guess I’m a bit of a voyeur, and I always love reading reviews from real people who tried the product! So, that is why I became an affiliate with them. Not to mention they have pheromones for women, which seems hard to find!
Pherlure is supposed to be really, really good and I’m yet to find a negative review-BUT it’s only targeted to men! You can find Pherlure here:
I think I might just get a bottle again and post my results so check back for that soon ;) If you are still not convinced, Pherlure has a great media reports section here: www.pherlure.com/#mediareports
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My (short!) time as a phone sex operator taught be quite a bit about talking dirty! It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it, but that it was just too exhausting to do enough of to make a decent income from. Why? Because the most important things about talking dirty is understanding what your partner likes, being creative, and really getting into it! Doing that with multiple people was just too much work for me! But if you are really into it, you may be able to handle that!
The main ingredients to good dirty talk is to know what your partner likes! How do you know? Ask! Pretty simple, yet most of us are too worried about how WE sound to focus on what the person wants! You don’t have to directly say, “What do you want me to say,” unless your partner prefers directness like that. (I know I do, but I seem to be in the minority.) Many people SAY they like directness, but they don’t actually mean it! You can just start by saying things, and seeing how they respond. If they are into it, great! Keep it up. If not, move on to something else!
If you don’t feel comfortable trying to new things, or discussing what works or doesn’t work then get a new sex partner! Communication is key to good sex-whether it’s verbal or non-verbal communication. Anybody who isn’t willing or able to do that with you is not going to be as good as they could in bed-and you deserve better!
Try practicing by yourself when you masturbate (here are some good toys ) and get used to how you sound! What to talk about? Well, if you know what his fantasies are you can try that, but I find most men just love to hear about how sexy you think they look, or how good they feel. Women I’m sure love this also (I know I do!) Sometimes naughty words can be fun too, I know I love the word “fuck.”
Another important factor is ENTHUSIASM! If your partner wants you to talk dirty, then do it like you love it! If you don’t feel comfortable doing it, then don’t do it of course-but if you decide to do it, make sure you go all out! Or as some would say, balls out! Lol
Finally, an important factor is how your voice sounds. There is nothing sexier than a whisper! Lower your voice so that they have to really focus on what you are saying. Of course, sometimes that isn’t always possible in the heat of the moment-so in that case, feel free to shout! Nothing makes me feel sexier then knowing my man can’t contain the sounds he is making! And if you still feel uncomfortable, you can always try learning more at : The Ultimate Talking Dirty Guide
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If you haven't heard all the buzz about social networking sites, then you must be living in a cave! I once had a fuck buddy who was so paranoid about his personal information that he wouldn't have a www.facebook.com or www.myspace.com, yet I met him on www.okcupid.com. Go figure. There are plenty of privacy options so this shouldn't be an issue! Besides, the government probably already knows everything you are doing anyways and not having facebook isn't going to stop that! And here's the thing though- he had no friends! He was really missing out. As you get older, it gets harder to stay in touch, right? Especially when all your party friends and wingmen (or women!) get married and want to stay in! (or worse, aren't allowed to and you have to hear them whine about having no freedom even though they are all ADULTS!)
Well, in come social networking sites to the rescue! Not only do you get to keep in touch with your friends (everybody is on them-even my mom is now!) but you can meet NEW people, and flirt and get back in touch with old fuck buddies also! There are also adult and casual sex social networking sites now too! You are probably feeling overwhelmed, but I suggest you sign up for all of the most important ones. Right now. Stop complaining and find time! You can just make a basic account, and then decorate it and personalize it later as you go along. The most important thing you need right now is a good photo (which you can read about my advice on picking photos at: )so don't skimp on that part! Now, which ones should you get, you might be wondering?
My suggestions are:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/casualsextipsdotcom
Adultspace: http://www.adultspace.com/casualsextipsdotcom
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/casualsextips
You can also find a link to all of mine at the bottom of the home page at www.casualsextips.com Feel free to add me there ;)
The reason you need all of them is dating is like sales...the more prospects you contact, the greater your chance of success. Who cares if you get rejected 100 times, if you are getting laid tonight?! Just keep on trying and you are bound to find somebody-there are MILLIONS of people on these sites!
Ok, so on to the sites and how to make the most of them!
Facebook is great for meeting lots of new people! At least, for a woman! For guys, you need to be careful not to come across as a weird facebook stalker! You don't want to be like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9yWJ9jgo-c I recommend on facebook you stick to only adding random women if you use one of the many applications for that(Or if you are REALLY hot you may get away with it!)-the are you interested, hotornot.com has an application, etc. What are applications? Check out the help section on facebook, or better yet, send a message to a cutie on there and see if she'll help you ;) Great ice breaker! But just don't go sending random messages on facebook. It's more of an add people you know site, not make new friends site (even though if you are open to it, it has a great potential for meeting new people! Just be aware a lot of people on there are not looking for that!)
Take advantage of the dating applications on there to find which people are looking to meet new people on facebook. They even have would you sleep with me application! If a woman or man clicks yes to that, and you find them attractive, you better send them a message! If they reject you after that, then you know they're crazy and you should move on. Don't take it personally if a woman says yes and then ignores you (men might do this too, but very rarely have I had a guy ignore me when I contacted him back!) -a lot of them are on there with boyfriends and just want an ego boost, or don't really look at your picture and later change their mind. If that happens, just ignore them and move on to the next! Don't send them an angry message-it really could be an honest mistake, or they just didn't see your message yet, or deleted it by accident. Don't burn your bridges!
Another helpful feature is a function on facebook for status updates which lets you know what somebody is currently doing. For instance, I would post right now, "Working on my blog!" This is a great feature for knowing what your crush likes to do, and if it's a good time or not to ask them out. For instance, hot crush says,"SO bored right now!" You can send them a text, or even message on facebook and rescue them from their boredom! You can even get their twitter updates through facebook now. When someone updates on twitter, they can have it update to their facebook as well. This can all be sent to your text message if you aren't at the computer! So you will NEVER have to miss out on what your hottie friend is up to! I recommend if you are a guy though to be rather vague about what you are doing, and ALWAYS positive! Women will want to know what is going on with you if you don't post every detail. We NEED and love to obsess (unless we're super busy!) about you, and if you don't give us that we will want find out. This is, of course, a generalization, but usually pretty acurate! But women, post about what your interests and likes are so guys will know how to ask you out. They need all the help they can get! (sorry guys!)
So twitter is a little confusing as first, but basically if you understood what I said a facebook status update is...then you know what twitter is! All twitter does is put updates. You post a status message or a link to a funny article and it goes out to all twitter friends on your list! People have the option of adding the text message notification to allow them to be notified by text when you update. If you choose this function, just make sure you turn it off before you go to sleep! Same rules here apply as the facebook status updates.
Ok, on to myspace. Myspace hits a younger crowd, which you may or may not be into. (legal aged of course ONLY!) I don't personally like it, but a lot of people do because you can personalize it more and make it more flashy. If you do that, make sure to not make it too graphic heavy, or you will annoy people who are on a slow computer-say, at work. Make sure to add your own personal style to it eventually, as there is nothing worse than somebody on myspace with a boring profile! The same rules also apply for men on how to contact women-try to not be too stalkerish, and be a bit vague. Women, help guys out with your likes and interests-just don't give so much info. that he CAN stalk you! Never give out personal info. Unless you know somebody.
There seems to be more spammers and predators on myspace. So, guys, no matter how HOT that woman is....if she wants you to sign up somewhere with a credit card...she isn't interested in you-and in fact, maybe she isn't even a woman! lol
Last but not least is adultspace. I have to say I joined awhile ago and it was dead, but it's really picked up now! This is the hidden gem of hooking up that nobody talks about! Within a few minutes of making my www.casualsextips.com profile on there, I had 15 requests! And I only had one shot of my ass up! I can't imagine how many requests I would have gotten it if I put my boobs up too! lol So, I think this site has potential. It may be a sex site, but guys, try to chat a bit first to see if she is interested before saying something really sexual. It's not about offending her-it's about coming across like you already know she is interested-which is a huge turn off. What people find attractive is very individual, so even if she has a really sexual profile, don’t be an ass and assume she wants YOU to talk dirty to her, just because she likes dirty talk! There is a big difference between confidence and being a jerk, which I write about here:
So now that you know what to do, go explore the sites and get started to having more dates than you know what to do with!!! Oh yeah, and don’t’ forget to add me ;)
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